Writer's Block: Outta My Way!
Apr. 18th, 2008 11:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Is this a rhetorical question? It is if you live in or around Nashville, Tennessee.
If you are about to take a trip that takes you to, through, or near our beautiful city let me give you the special "rules of the road" so you may keep your blood pressure down, prevent heart attacks and stroke, and preserve your sanity.
1. Right turns are made from the left lane but only if there is a car in the right hand lane just one car length or less behind you. This is especially true on interstates with a speed limit of seventy miles an hour. Extra points if its a tractor trailer in the right lane and they get him to jack knife.
2. When sitting at a stop sign driver must wait until a car is approaching in the cross lane and it must be less than three car lengths away before pulling in front of it, thus making it slam on its brakes. Extra points if it goes in a ditch or better yet hits you--WHIPLASH
3. Before giving someone a gesture out of frustration, remember, especially if the other vehicle is a pickup truck, they probably have a huntin' rifle or two with them. Extra points if you can out run them without at least getting your tires shot out.
4. Drivers here love playing chicken with tractor trailer drivers, crawling right up their bumpers hoping they'll slam on their brakes so they can run up under them thus decapitating themselves, or cut the driver off, and slam on your brakes letting him run over YOU. Though to my knowledge Tractor trailer versus almost every other vehicle on the road...The tractor trailer wins EVERY TIME. Go Figure.
5. Most important of all, at a four way stop, the most expensive vehicle goes first. This is the most dangerous one, since these little blue haired ladies who see through not over the steering wheel and driver boats are vicious as pit bulls. They carry canes and will beat at you & your car.
6. Never come if it may snow. Usual depths 1/2 to 2 inches. The rules change, drivers don't slow but go as fast as they can, slam on your brakes so you continue through intersections with your wheels locked, or spin in circles. And what is black ice again the television said this morning to beware of on bridges? Our policemen are way underpaid.
I always despise the way Nashville is displayed on TV, and movies as hicks and hillbillies. We do actually have a good deal of sophistication, plays, museums four star restaurants and five star hotels.
We have an overworked, did I mention underpaid police force, spending too much time dealing with traffic accidents. And while once truckers gave the name of MALFUNCTION JUNCTION to Knoxville, Tn. They may have taken a new vote, and rightly so.
*Note: Not a cop, nor married to one. Just sympathetic.
Is this a rhetorical question? It is if you live in or around Nashville, Tennessee.
If you are about to take a trip that takes you to, through, or near our beautiful city let me give you the special "rules of the road" so you may keep your blood pressure down, prevent heart attacks and stroke, and preserve your sanity.
1. Right turns are made from the left lane but only if there is a car in the right hand lane just one car length or less behind you. This is especially true on interstates with a speed limit of seventy miles an hour. Extra points if its a tractor trailer in the right lane and they get him to jack knife.
2. When sitting at a stop sign driver must wait until a car is approaching in the cross lane and it must be less than three car lengths away before pulling in front of it, thus making it slam on its brakes. Extra points if it goes in a ditch or better yet hits you--WHIPLASH
3. Before giving someone a gesture out of frustration, remember, especially if the other vehicle is a pickup truck, they probably have a huntin' rifle or two with them. Extra points if you can out run them without at least getting your tires shot out.
4. Drivers here love playing chicken with tractor trailer drivers, crawling right up their bumpers hoping they'll slam on their brakes so they can run up under them thus decapitating themselves, or cut the driver off, and slam on your brakes letting him run over YOU. Though to my knowledge Tractor trailer versus almost every other vehicle on the road...The tractor trailer wins EVERY TIME. Go Figure.
5. Most important of all, at a four way stop, the most expensive vehicle goes first. This is the most dangerous one, since these little blue haired ladies who see through not over the steering wheel and driver boats are vicious as pit bulls. They carry canes and will beat at you & your car.
6. Never come if it may snow. Usual depths 1/2 to 2 inches. The rules change, drivers don't slow but go as fast as they can, slam on your brakes so you continue through intersections with your wheels locked, or spin in circles. And what is black ice again the television said this morning to beware of on bridges? Our policemen are way underpaid.
I always despise the way Nashville is displayed on TV, and movies as hicks and hillbillies. We do actually have a good deal of sophistication, plays, museums four star restaurants and five star hotels.
We have an overworked, did I mention underpaid police force, spending too much time dealing with traffic accidents. And while once truckers gave the name of MALFUNCTION JUNCTION to Knoxville, Tn. They may have taken a new vote, and rightly so.
*Note: Not a cop, nor married to one. Just sympathetic.
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no subject
Date: 2008-04-19 05:19 am (UTC)Um, how much of this is real, applicable advice? I have a cousin in Nashville and I'm going to visit him this June... Traffic isn't that bad, right? Right? *feels nervous* I don't want my car to die at the hands of a tractor trailer. D:
NASHVILLE TRAFFIC
Date: 2008-04-24 12:21 am (UTC)